On the off shoot chance that someone reads this please be forewarned. I have never been good at writing. I have never been a good orator. I will never capture the attention of a room because I am a good speaker. And I am certainly not eloquent with words. Don’t critique me for being shitty at capitalization, grammar, sentence structure, commas, etc. Call my middle school teachers and bitch them out for my shortfalls.

Did you know you have 28,000 days to live? When you put your life into perspective like that it really changes the way you view life. At least that is how I feel when I think about it in those terms. I am on day 10,795. Almost half way there and I already have so many regrets it’s hard to keep track of them all. Man who wants to go through life with all of these regrets. I really envy those who have none. I wonder how many out there have zero regrets. Maybe no one actually has zero regrets. Maybe those who say they have zero are just lying to themselves to make them feel better. Maybe their regrets are just so inconsequential that they can’t even remember them and so to them they have no regrets. I would even believe they don’t have regrets because who really sits there and says ahh man I wish I would have done some minor little thing when they are old. People only dwell on the major stuff.

I guess since it’s so fresh my current greatest regret is letting the perfect girl slip through my fingers. I’m one of these types of people who think everything happens for a reason. Not in every since of the word but in most cases. For example I don’t think someone gets cancer and dies for some reason. Maybe someone gets cancer and learns some things from it and defeats it and becomes a stronger person. So yes they got cancer so they could grow to be a much better person. But back to my point. Maybe this perfect girl went out of my life because in reality she is not perfect for me. I maybe just thought she was and someone else will come into my life and prove this to me. It is very hard to feel this way when you have been with said person for 3 years. I have had other relationships where I just knew this wouldn’t progress, wouldn’t end in marriage. Did I question our relationship at times, yes who doesn’t. Did I question if I really wanted to marry this person and spend the rest of my life with her, yes once again who doesn’t do this? At the end of the day however the answer was always yes I want to be with her.

I will sit back and wonder could I have done something to win her back. Maybe If I just said this or did that she would have come back to me. I think everyone second guesses themselves when failure is the result. Who would ever question themselves when they are faced with success? The same thing holds true for mistakes. If you are not learning from your mistakes you are failing. Making the mistake to begin with is not failing. As long as you learn you are winning. Make the ultimate win and learn from others mistakes. If you are stubborn like me you sometimes just have to make your own mistakes. The actual result is I failed to win her back and she is now completely shut out of my life. She called me the other day and I asked Why are you calling me? All she would say is ‘I don’t know. Maybe she was looking for a way to come back to me. Of course the words I chose I certainly fucked up any chances of that happening. A few days before I broke down and called her. I of course was still in the mode that we had a chance and maybe I could come up with some sort of magical wording to win her back. No deal on that happening. We did talk for hours and at the end of the conversation she took another call and never switched back. It actually let me see the light and helped me walk away from her. So that is why I was such a dick when she called a few days later. I basically said I don’t want to talk to you I just want to forget you. Don’t call me again unless you want to come over and get fucked. Hahah it’s pretty sad even while I am writing this I hope she calls me and takes me up on that offer.

Now that I have ranted on about who the fuck knows lets get to the true matter at hand. PROGRESSION. There are many aspects of life and one of them is making yourself the best person you can possibly become. It’s very easy to lose sight of this when you are in a relationship. For example when you are with someone you might not want to look as good as humanly possible. Or you already have the girl so you don’t necessarily need to learn this or that. Some of my main regrets are related to money. As in fuck if I would have just done this or that or that or that haha yes I have many of those I would be fucking rich’I mean FUCKING RICH 7 figures in the bank RICH. Now right now I am pretty lucky in the fact that I took some steps, worked my ass off and am doing pretty good in life financially. While I am not rich by any means I am definitely above my peer group. One thing this allows me to do is better myself and eliminate some of my regrets that may be financially burdening on some. For example I plan on taking dance lessons, cooking lessons, piano lessons (hopefully this will hold me to the piano lessons), and whatever else I plan on learning but those are the main ones. The dance lessons are currently the most important step I need to take. In fact earlier today I made an appointment for private dance lessons. I start in a few days. Now for anyone younger reading this let me say you will be very happy if you learn how to dance. I can’t even remember all the times I sat there saying fuck I wish I knew how to dance. Women like men who know how to dance. You are almost socially abnormal if you can’t dance. I am not saying you won’t get a girl or get laid if you can’t dance but if you can it certainly increases your chances. Now what male alive doesn’t want to improve their chances with getting a girl? So you are probably asking are you really trying to better yourself just so you can get a girl. The short answer is hell fucking yes. The long answer is I am sick and tired of having to just watch people dance, people have fun, while I am sitting there looking like some gay ass wallflower.

I really just need to become a more well rounded person. So much of my life revolves around work and I need to learn how to change that. Start learning how to smell the roses, maybe just sit in a chair and reflect. I have spent so much of my adult life worrying about finances and not really having a good time. I want to not have the regret of leading a boring life. I don’t want to look back when I’m 40 and have a family and say fuck I wish I would of done this or that. Nah screw that from this point on I am not going to say that shit. I don’t even want to wake up tomorrow and say dammit why didn’t I do this or that.