It is as if I can’t escape it. I am who I am yet I am who I am not when I am tipsy. Once again I go out and have some drinks and turn into Super Me. The me who just magically has it down. The me who will approach anyone. The me who has game. The me who attracts the girls who aren’t otherwise attracted to me. What is it? I know exactly what it is. I can feel it when it is taking place. It is a transformation that takes place. It feeds on itself. It turns me from boring me to interesting me. The me you want to be around. The me who is fun. The me is who outgoing. The me who is well you name it the me who you wanna be.
I hate so much that my brain has control over me like this. I am the most reserved, conservative person you might ever meet. I am uptight and my body language sucks. I look around like I care what you think. I probably do care what you think. While your approval means nothing to my happiness I seek it. I forever want to tear this layer away from my skin. It doesn’t belong…it is not liked and neither am I.
For the better part of the last month I have gone out and played this game sober. While my intentions were to have a good time and not that of seeking the company of a woman, I would be lieing if it was not in the back of my mind at all times. You go out and if you see some beautiful women your interest peaks. Mine certainly does. For the most part during my soberness I had advanced AA. I had self worth issues. Well at least I did anytime a magnificent beauty was around.
Friday night was certainly different. I knew I would be drinking. I wanted to. I wanted to get that sweet taste in my mouth again of what I know I can be. Who I should be. Who I am to become. We started off heading up to a gay bar. We knew the bartender and the drinks were going to be at a steep discount. I am all about this as anywhere we were headed that night drinks were 10 a pop. I have been to gay town on a few occasions. My ex absolutely loved it down there and on occasion I would get roped into going out. I am comfortable with my sexuality and not worried about getting hit on by gay guys. It happened every time I would head down there. Lion joked around about how we were going to get hit on. We head up to the second floor of the joint and almost immediately the guy next to me strikes up a conversation. He is a nice guy and thank goodness he quickly goes you are straight aren’t you. Yep sure am buddy Then not a few minutes later some guy walks up to me and goes how do we know each other. I feel like an ass but I turned around and just started busting out laughing. I composed myself and talked to him for like two seconds and told him nope we sure don’t.
So we are there chilling having loads of alcohol. I quickly start to feel the affects. Then all of the sudden I see a girl I have sorta been talking to. Nothing has escalated as my frame with her hasn’t progressed. I open her and she is like holy shit. I then see she is with a guy I met a couple weeks ago. I think how random but I met the guy the same night I met up with her at Republic so it made sense. Plus she told me earlier in the day she was out on a date that night.
Me and her start bantering and she is sorta all over me. Not sexually or anything but just Kino wise. I mean all signs point to she is into me. Lion is even like who is that old lady all over you. She told me she was 28 but I would say closer to 33. She looks damn good for a cougar though. She would leave and go hang with her date and then come back over and chat me up. At one point I am hanging with my group and she walks up about 4 feet away and is like come here. See this girl gets what she wants I guarantee it. I am just like no you come over here. She then reaches over and grabs my hand so I go over and chat with her. I try to convince them to join us over at another bar because I feel like I might have a chance to escalate with her later. They never end up showing up. Ever since this encounter she has been blowing me up trying to get me out with her. I should go but I get too many mixed signs from her so until I get a solid one I will probably leave it on the back burner and not be too eager to hang out with her. See I might invite her out and she declines, then she invites me out and I decline. We have this cat and mouse, mouse and cat game going on.
We decide to take off and head over to the other bar. As we are leaving there is one girl in the bar downstairs. We exchange amazing eye contact and like a pussy I walk right by as she was with a guy. In hindsight the guy was probably gay and I should have opened her. We get to the other bar and within seconds Lion is picking some girl up into the air. I am laughing my ass off and her friend comes over and opens me. She is not my type at all but I have a polite conversation with her. They join us for a while but I am bored with them and go find my own adventures. I come across a couple girls with dark skin and who are intriguing. I have no idea what I opened with but I am almost certain it was a neg about her hair. She had this blonde streak right down the center. She was alright but I was trying to figure out how to get with her friend. Real good dumbass you negged the wrong girl. I talked with them for a while even though I really couldn’t hear anything they said. I knew we were about to bounce to another bar so I invited them over. She instantly goes yeah I am not feeling this place. I eject not caring if they make it or not.
We head over to the other bar and it is just freaking packed. I have never seen it like this. We head up to the bar and get a drink. As I am walking back I run into the girls. They had followed me over. I hang with them for a bit and eventually number close the girl. I never did build any sort of rapport with her friend. It didn’t matter anyways because her friend most likely had already called dibs. I get bored with them again as really this girl isn’t my type so I eject. I then walk up to some little hottie asian girl. If I remember correctly she was pretty smoking hot. I wish I could remember what I opened with. She is pretty receptive but it was so loud I have a feeling she didn’t hear what I was saying correctly. This eventually went down the tubes and it was now closing time. Then all the sudden some girl runs into me that I have talked to at Republic a few times. She is parading me around the bar talking with her friends introducing me to everyone. I figure shit this is going to be an easy lay. Then I piss her off about something and eject outta there.
The guys I came with ended up getting kicked out. They for some reason decided to go into the girls bathroom. I hear they had about 4 bouncers escort them out. Hahha. So I am in the front of the building trying to figure out where these guys are. All the sudden a girl goes hey I know you. I go no you don’t, how do you know me? She goes I met you at Republic. I now remember her a little but I don’t know if it was because me and her hit it off or me and her friend did. I think it was her friend though. I think me and her friend were hitting it off when all the sudden her friend just gets super drunk. So I chat her and her friend up. Her friend is wearing a tiara so I go ahead and steal it and put it on my head. I then number close the girl who opened me and they bounce. I shoot her a text right there and she responds a couple minutes later.
All of the above that happened Friday night could easily be erased if I was sober. I would have looked like a chode to the HBCougar. She definitely wouldn’t have been as attracted to me. The girls I opened and venue hopped would have thought I was an ass and shoulder turned me. The girl who was parading me around well she prob would have still paraded me around as my frame is pretty good with her. The girls outside would have still opened me but I wouldn’t have stole the tiara and I wouldn’t have number closed them. Ohh and even though it didn’t go anywhere I probably wouldn’t have opened the hottie asian. Beside the fact that my sushi from earlier didn’t mix well with the alcohol that night I have probably my best night in a month. I had the most fun anyways.