I want you to stand up. I want you to stand up and walk over to the window. I want you to stick your head out and yell I’m mad as hell! Yell I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.

So I have had a horrible week. My mind is so fucked up. And yes I am in some sort of mini depression. I wish I could just curl up into a little ball and forget about the world for one fucking second. This is what I like to call ADVERSITY. And how you face adversity really defines you as a person. See I can’t curl up into a little ball and forget all of this. I have no choice but to face it head on and conquer it. It is my job, it is my duty, and I will succeed.

So this is how my week went. I just cut 50k in checks. The tax man has cometh and he wants to be paid. Running the numbers on a cash standpoint I am essentially broke. I have some investments and nice amount of equity in my house but actual cash that I can rub between my fingers is pretty much nonexistent. What sucks even worse is this sort of just crept up on me. I was more or less blindsided which is completely my own fault. I spent money last year like it was nothing, I barely worked, and then I am facing the worst housing market I have ever seen. Put all those together and you get to where I am now.

Then yesterday I was messing around working on one of my rehabs. I was doing some electrical work and I am almost certain I was one millimeter away from dying. The wire I was touching completely disintegrated my pliers. Sparks shot everywhere I jumped back and was just sitting there wondering how I was alive. I couldn’t even function for about 30 minutes. All I could think about was my body lying on the ground without a pulse and the people around me saying ohh man that sucks.

So now I am freaking out. I am broke. And I almost died. WTF is going on here. I am now in the worst mood in the world just trying to figure out what I have done in my life to bring on this stuff. Has karma caught up to me for my sins?? I make it through the day and head over to my parents. I am rambling on about my current fiascoes when they tell me about a family member. My uncle was just admitted back into the hospital. He is laid up in some room with cancer. Now if that doesn’t put things into perspective I don’t know what will. I just laid back in the couch feeling so sorry for him and his family. My problems are nothing compared to his. What the Fuck do I have to complain about.

If you see something you want in life I want you to go after it. If what you see makes sense I want you to not let anything get in your way. You have been given an opportunity to do some amazing things in life. Letting it slip by without your footprint is the biggest mistake.

Make a choice in life. Leave some soil churned or evaporate like dust in the wind.

I wonder if sometimes knowing everything I have learned gets in my way. Take my latest relationship with HBTC for example. Last night we sort of got into a fight. It was over text but she pissed me off big time. In person I have been able to smooth things over pretty good and she will comment the next day thanking me for being the bigger person. Last night was different though. This time it was over text which was a first for us. All of our fights have always been in person before. It is so much easier to judge things in person.

So here I am today making it a point not to contact her. And I can guarantee she is doing the exact same thing. See we are identical. We are both super freaking stubborn. So I question though what if I didn’t know any of this game related stuff. Would I give in and call her? I know for a fact I would have already texted her today. And you know what that might actually be the right thing to do in this situation. Unless she just all the sudden doesn’t want to see or talk to me ever again this is probably the right move. But the other side of me…the new side says nope…I am going to wait another day or two or three before I initiate contact. I am basically screwing myself over because I am not allowing myself to more than likely have a good time with her.

With that being said I have to question is this how a relationship should progress? Things always seem to be two steps forward one step back with us. I look around and can’t help but wonder in the beginning aren’t most relationships like 37 steps forward one step back. A friend of mine commented once about us saying things should be easy in the beginning. Our relationship has been nothing but constant struggle it would seem. And I must say I sort of like that as I see it as a challenge. I almost find myself more attracted to HBTC since she is such a pain in the ass sometimes.

What if it was easy? What if things just flowed like clockwork and we progressed without a hitch. I have to wonder if things would be better. If I would find myself even more attracted to this girl. I know I contradict myself in saying this but I am pretty certain I wish things were easier. I am starting to question is this really worth it.

I wrote the above sometime in the Afternoon Friday without publishing it.

Friday night me and some friends went out. We were on a mission to bar hop and let me say we succeeded in that endeavor. I think we went to 5 different bars. While we were bar hopping someone mentioned we should go to Quarter Bar since it was right down the street. I texted HBTC just to make sure she wasn’t there. This was my first text to her all day and it was around 11:00. I get no response from her for at least 30-45 minutes so I say fuck it and we head over.

We stay for only a short period of time before we eventually get bored and are ready to hit something else up. Just as I am walking out I notice one of her friends. She is waving and telling me to come say hello. I know that HBTC must be around so I am thinking hrmm…this sucks I really don’t have any interest in seeing her.

I walk over and say hello and start chatting this other girl up for about 30 seconds. And then she goes you remember my friend HBTC. Of course she is standing right next to her and I haven’t even acknowledged her. I turn around say hello and introduce myself to the orbiter who is with them. I am a total dick headed asshole to this guy which of course now in my sober state I regret.

They are in line for the bathroom and HBTC takes her turn and leaves us. I make small talk with the other two and then she eventually comes back out from the bathroom. I walk over in front of her and pick her up off the ground and we start making out. See how quickly things can be resolved. We are both drunk and I either walk her 10 feet over to the wall or carry her I don’t recall. We start making out some more and then she pushes me away as hard as she can.

She goes on about how I don’t play by the rules and that is why she is so pissed off at me. I try to gather more information but she isn’t lending me any.

My friends are blowing my phone up so I decide I must leave her. All I do is look up to her group and say I am leaving. I was a huge asshole and this definitely didn’t help things. Just before I leave I grab a chunk of her hair and give it a nice tug. Then I just turn off and walk away.

I have tried to smooth things over with her today but she is very cold and unresponsive for the most part. She will respond with one word texts. This is the point where I will normally pull out the “I will go ahead and delete your number” text. I have held off though as I don’t want to act too brashly and stubbornly with this one. It is a little harder to use that text when you actually like the girl and want to continue seeing her. Plus I know just how stubborn she is and there is a good chance we would never see each other. I don’t see this working on her.

I am currently at a loss for what to do with this girl.

I have been thinking about this lately but just haven’t gotten around to writing anything about it. I remember when I first got into this and wanted to become a PUA. It wasn’t that I wanted to actually be a Pick Up Artist. I just wanted to break out of my shell and figure out how to meet women. Little did I know this “GAME” is really about so much more than just meeting women. Most who start out never get to see what this is really all about.

If you look around at our society so many people lack it. Most people just figure out how to skate by never really seeing their true potential. I will stop right there on that subject and get back to this one. Since we know most people lack implementation skills in regular everyday life isn’t it safe to say that most people who join the community will also lack this same skill. The answer is unfortunately YES which really sucks because it doesn’t have to be.

I just don’t understand how something like meeting women can be so important to you but then you just crawl up into a little ball and walk away. It’s like the second you realize you have to work at it and put in some effort you just quit. Fuck Dude nothing is easy. This path is certainly not easy I can tell you that. If you aren’t going to invest some time and energy…wait scratch that…if you aren’t going to devote yourself to this then just quit now. You are wasting your time.

But I promise you if you stick with it your life will change. It’s not even about meeting women anymore. It is about keeping them. It is about improving yourself to such a high level that they would be idiots to walk away from you.

Just imagine hearing this from a girl that you gamed: YOU RUINED ME FOR ALL OTHER GUYS!!!

Yes I have managed to turn some of my old FB’s or whatever you want to call them into Friends. Imagine that the guy who never had a girl who was just a friend now has some. How Ironic. Of course I banged them all before so I don’t think that counts in the purest sense.

This post could have been short and sweet but I feel like I am missing something. There must be something else I can mention for this subject. I guess I could tell you how to implement the knowledge and skills you are going to learn. I just don’t think that would really be fair though. I think if you get out there and figure most of this stuff out on your own you will be better off. I am not saying you can’t learn from others or even have someone teach you. Hell I love watching other people in action. It is the best way to learn for me. I just don’t think another speech on how to do this or that is what you need right now.

You need to get out there and TRY!

Grab some openers, chick bait, conversation topics and get out there. Get shot down a few times. Ask for a number. Escalate. Kino. Figure out what all this shit is and how to implement it in the field. You might be scared at first but it gets easier over time. Eventually you won’t think anymore it will just come natural. And then you will figure out exactly what that word means. Natural.

I promise the girls won’t bite…well…

So I have been seeing HBTC for a while now. Last weekend I was thinking man am I setting myself up for a disaster with this relationship. I look around at everyone I know and how they handle themselves in the relationship they are in.

Are they wearing the pants? Or is she?

Now I wasn’t worried about whether I was wearing the pants or not. I was just worried about whether they were pulled up or not. Looking back most of my relationships have consisted of the girl pretty much bowing down to whatever I say. So it is very easy for me to assess that I like to be in control and I like my girl to be very passive.

With HBTC things were quickly shaping up to be completely different than this. So much so in fact that she had even read me like a book. I had heard her mention how I am used to having girls give in to whatever I say blah blah blah. She was right. She said how she wasn’t that kind of girl and that would never happen. Once again she is probably right. And this is one of the reasons I find myself liking this girl.

But what if things continued like this. Will the relationship just suck down the road? Will she walk all over me? Will she control our time together? Will she tell me what to do, how to do it, when to do it, who I can hang out with?

So all of this was rambling through my head last weekend when I was on the way to her house. How can I change this. How can I make certain that things start progressing the way I want them to so I don’t get thrown into this situation. This is the hardest thing to change in a relationship. Once you are here good luck getting out.

So it can be as simple as this. I am sitting in a chair at her counter. She is ohh about 5 feet away from me. Anytime I tell this girl to do something she goes: Don’t tell me what to do. I mean if I said Breathe she would hold her breath.

I say: Come here and give me a kiss.

HBTC: Don’t tell me what to do.

I then say in a stronger tone: Get over here and give me a little kiss.

Now this time she realizes this isn’t a game. I am being serious. I am the man and she will do as I say. Hahahahhah I don’t know any other way to word that. I know that sounds freaking insane but well…

The point is she comes over to me and kisses me. She then mentions something very relevant to this topic and I wish I knew the exact wording. But it was definitely something along the lines of I HATE YOU.

She liked that I had done that. She liked that I put her in her place. And she goes on to mention that she likes that about me. How most guys just do whatever she says. How most guys bend over backwards for her. How most guys don’t last long with her because they don’t have a spine.

Even before this things were going pretty freaking good. But since then it just seems different. I can’t say for sure it was because of this. I don’t really know. But it is like I gained a little more control.

I guess I should start by saying Happy New Year. I hate when I go a while without writing. I will use the holidays as an excuse.

Yes all good things must come to an end.

I don’t know if I ever mentioned this but for about 2 months I had an awesome set up. I had something that over the course of my adult life I can only think of one friend who had it like this. I had a neighbor who was a huge freak and only 2 houses down. Yeah I lucked out in the neighbor department.

It would go like this. Either I would call her or she would call me. A few minutes later she was at my front door. She would come over in almost no clothing. So picture this. I live in a neighborhood where the average homeowner is at least 55-60. Then you have this 20 year old girl traipsing around the neighborhood wearing little more than the shortest shorts on earth and maybe some article of clothing covering her torso. And don’t even think for a second she had a bra or panties on. Nah she went commando.

The front door would open and more times than not there were no words spoken. It was just straight into some freaky buck wild sex. Then like clockwork she was off back on the way to her house. The other half of the time she would chill out and annoy me for half the night. Overall I will take the trade any day of the week.

So two weeks ago today I send her a standard booty call text only this time something strange happens. The return text says:

I can’t do that anymore.

WHAT…why the fuck not. I am trying to figure this out in my head and then I quickly get to the bottom of it. She has started seeing a guy who she likes and feels like it would be wrong of her to continue seeing me. I mean fucking my brains out.

I wish I could say I am as equally a good person as she is. The truth is I have been seeing a girl for a time period as well. I like her quite a bit. But I lacked the compassion to show her the same respect. I had no problem fucking neighbor girl while I was seeing this girl. I would probably still fuck neighbor girl if the opportunity presented itself. Let’s hope these words don’t bite me in the ass.